Things I wish my toddler would learn:

** Saying "gooooooo!" immediately after we get to s stop light will not actually make me drive. I did not forget you want to go. Increasing your volume does not help me understand you better.

**Not every black person you see is your Dada. Please stop calling them that. It's a little awkward.

**On that note, you don't have to say 'Dada' in this weirdly low, raspy voice. Who taught you to do that? And why? You also don't have to use that voice when you say truck or sah-soh(obviously this is motorcycle).

**Speaking of motorcycles, yes, I will let you look at the one in our parking garage every. single. day. But no, you can't look at it in the morning when I'm trying to drop you off at daycare and get to work. And no you can't touch it. And no you can't have one when you turn 16. Or 46.

**I'm not trying to offend you, but your tiger roar and motorcycle sounds really sound quite similar. You really can't blame me for confusing the two.

**When I tell you "No!" It means, 'stop doing that and don't do it again.' It does not mean 'Say NO! the next time you choose to do this.' I do, however, appreciate the heads up when you're being naughty.

**Reading 5 Little Monkeys three times a day was cute for like a week. I'm over it. Can we stop now?

**I think it's totally adorable when you say 'shhh' every time you see a picture of a sleeping baby. But if the man across from us falls asleep on the train, you don't have to point to him and say SHHHH as loud as possible, because that kinda defeats the purpose.

**I'm very proud of your ability to label basic facial features. You've shown this off, and I get it. So, can we start decreasing the frequency that you poke me in the eye out of nowhere yelling 'eye!'?! If you want to keep labeling my nose that's ok, but can you point to it, or even poke it, but maybe not grab and pinch it with your baby claws and try to remove it from my face? That would be a plus.

(Several of these were cross posted on my FB page. Sorry if you had to read these twice, but the blog will be a better historical record than sorting through status updates by the time I miss those damn monkeys and want to reminisce. )