Boobie Munching

So, I wanted to spend some time to reflect on how breastfeeding was going so far.

It's definitely one of my favorite times of the day, which is good because it's taking up bigger and bigger portions of my day. The first day or two, I'm sad to say it was not something I looked forward to. Solomon and I were having a hard time figuring out exactly how to help each other out. We were both trying our best, but not especially coordinated with each other. Solomon also had a cute but unproductive habit of sucking in his upper lip and making loud smacking noises instead of getting a good grip.

Anyway, now there are several things I love about breastfeeding. First are the little faces Solomon makes when he tries to latch on. He mostly always attempts this with his eyes closed, no matter how awake and alert he might be. I'm tried telling him this wasn't especially efficient, but he doesn't believe me yet. So he closes his eyes, lifts up his eyebrows in interest, and then erratically swirls and his head with his mouth wide open hoping he'll hit a boob. He looks like a little baby bird and it melts my heart each and every time. Sometimes he does open his eyes for this process, though. And he's convinced I have hidden boobies- or at least hidden nipples. He's convinced I have one on my bicep somewhere, and strains his head up and back trying to reach it. He also thinks I have one hidden on my collarbone, and tries to find it when burping bores him. If I'm holding him too low for him to find the hidden nipple, he'll squirm and dig his little elbows into me and try to hoist himself up so he can find it.

He's usually confident that Gerard=no boobies, Mama=boobies. Gerard will carefully hand me a sleeping Solomon- who's slept on Gerard for the past hour- and he'll start rooting mid-exchange. As you can see from the picture, though, he hasn't fully mastered the gender distinction in nipples.

I also love breastfeeding because it guarantees me lots of time with my little burrito, even when Gerard is trying to hog him. And burping him usually puts him to sleep on my chest, so I get lots of sweet cuddles! :)

Solomon Wolf Jenkins is here!!

As excited as I am to share Solomon's birth story, I've been so intimidated by the overwhelming emotions and electricity that surrounded his birth that I haven't even known how to start. But I want to get everything down before the details get fuzzy, so I'll just start typing.

So, I went in Monday late afternoon for my checkup. I was sad because my regular OB was on vacation, and I had to see someone new. Anyway, I went in for my NST and again my fluids were low- lower than they had been the previous week. I was confused and frustrated because although they had been a little low the previous Tuesday, they were plenty high on Friday, and now they were at their lowest point. Anyway, after a very prolonged period of testing, the Dr. came in and told me I'd have to go to the hospital and be induced- that I was already 39 weeks and it just wasn't justified to continue to risk the baby when he was having questionable heart rate dips and low fluids. I was allowed to drive home first to pick up my bags, but was told I needed to be at the hospital within an hour. He told me there was a possibility the Dr. at the hospital would have a second opinion and allow me to go home, but that wasn't his recommendation. Anyway, so Gerard and I drove down to the hospital while I chugged 3 bottles of water hoping to impact my fluid levels. It didn't work. In fact, now my fluids were even lower. The biggest pocket they found was, I believe a 3.6- well below the worrisome cutoff of 5.

Before being induced, they told me I was .5 cm dilated, 50% effaced, and Solomon was -1. None of those numbers actually correlate on the tables, but that's what I was. It was about 9:30 or 10pm when they hooked up the Pitocin. With it came and IV of fluid- it took the nurse multiple attempts to get the IV in, which irritated me. The put the fetal monitors on my belly, which made it next to impossible to move independently. So I hung out there for a little bit, and my contractions started, although I couldn't yet feel them. The nurses would come in and check on me and seemed surprised or impressed or something that I wasn't feeling the contractions yet. Everyone kept saying everything looked great. They told me they'd keep the Pitocin low throughout the night so as to let me sleep, and then they'd rev up things in the morning.

That was a lie. I think I got about an hour or two of sleep before the contractions got too strong. But I was handling them well. I was using a lot of nonfocused awareness that we had learned in our Birthing From Within class, and everything seemed manageable so I let Gerard sleep through most of this. At maybe 2 or 3 in the morning they decided to 'move things along' and ruptured my membranes. About this time, too, they acted like they were going to do me a favor by putting in internal fetal monitors and allow me to take off the external monitors and be a bit more mobile. This sounded fair enough, but I immediately regretted it once the process started. It was an extremely painful experience that seemed to take forever. What's worse, one of the two monitors didn't take so they had to go back in a third time to insert it.

Anyway, I'm hanging out for a while and the contractions kept getting stronger and stronger. The nurse kept asking me if I was ready for the epidural, which really annoyed me so I told her to stop asking. She apologized and obliged. I'll stop here to try to explain how incredible Gerard was being. I was overwhelmed with his ability to tune into exactly how I felt and what I needed. He had internalized everything from classes, everything we had talked about what I might like or not like during labor, and everything from his own intuition about what to do. He cuddled in the bed with me, gave me kisses, massaged my neck, back and legs just enough to offer relief but knew exactly when he needed to stop and give me space. He said everything right. I honestly think if I could play back a recording of my labor and give a play by play of exactly what he should have said or done, it would not have been as good as what he actually said or did. I know I sound corny, but even amidst all the pain of labor, I could not get over how incredibly grateful I was of Gerard's presence and how lucky I felt. There was about 5 seconds when he was trying to update someone on the labor over the phone- and I wanted to throw it across the room. But other than those 5 seconds the whole time I was taken aback by how perfect and comforting he was being.

So anyway, the morning continues and at some point it was discovered one of the internal monitors was no longer working. So I had to put back on the external monitor. After all of that I was back to the external monitors. Also, the nurse kept coming in worried because Solomon's heart rate kept dropping during contractions. For a while this was worrisome enough to make me wear an oxygen mask. I got to take this off eventually, I don't remember the exact timeline now.

So we get to the late morning and my contractions have paralyzed me with pain. I had been sad during my earlier labor that I couldn't move around and practice all the labor poses I'd learned in yoga and our classes. But by this point I couldn't have moved even without all of my leashes. I was screaming out in pain but making a concerted effort to keep the tone very low, as this was supposed to aid in muscle relaxation and encourage your cervix to dilate. I remember at several points being worried my voice would go out. I was feeling overwhelmed at this point, but gained some strength by noticing the contractions were getting closer and closer together. They felt like they were almost on top of each other. So by it being so uncomfortable I knew it at least meant I was making progress. Gerard kept telling me I was in transition, which encouraged me. The nurse came in and kept asking me if I felt the urge to push. I didn't. She moved up my Pitocin level from an 11 to a 12 despite me begging her not to. She came back in and seemed perplexed I still wasn't feeling the urge to push. She started prepping the bassinet and getting things ready for delivery so I thought the game was almost over. Then, she checked my dilation and told me I was 3cm and 80% effaced. I was absolutely crushed. Devastated. It was really hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that I had worked that hard for only 3 cm. It was even harder to wrap my head around the fact that the pain would undoubtedly increase in the next 7cm. All of these realizations crushed down on me hard and I was begging for an epidural within seconds of her saying 3 cm. I felt disappointed and embarrassed, but really didn't see any other way. Gerard was wonderfully supportive with this decision, even though beforehand I had told him to refuse me if I were to ask for an epidural. He knew enough to know I really meant it and wasn't giving up prematurely. I'm tearing up right now just remembering how comforting and supportive he was through the whole process.

The anesthesiologist came soon (I believe this was about 11am), and I remember him and the nurse being impressed I could remain so still and calm through the pain of the injection. And I was all 'dude, I can barely feel that relative to what I've been going through.' Anyway, at first I just felt numb and tingly in my toes, but soon I could barely feel when I was having a contraction. I was given a little button I could push to control how much drugs I'd receive. I could push it up to once every 20 minutes. I was told to get some rest, which wasn't hard after what I had been through, and the fact I hadn't slept the night before. At about 2pm I woke up. I still hadn't pushed the button, and was getting the slightest bit of movement back in my legs. At this point I could feel my contractions a bit in the upper portion of my abdomen- but I knew the real pain was lower, blocked by the epidural. But I felt comforted by at least being able to feel my contractions a bit and being more aware of what was happening to my body. For the next 30-40 minutes I was awake but relaxed while Gerard slept. My pitocin level now was a 14- only 2 units more than they were when I asked for the epidural. At about 2:40 I was checked again and 8cm dilated. This comforted me and I felt energized to have the baby. Minutes after that they said 'whoa whoa, baby's coming- wake up Gerard!' So pretty much he woke up and I started pushing. Apparently, Solomon didn't enjoy this phase too much, and started getting bradycardiac with each contraction. So again I was on the oxygen. I remember a nurse asking the OB if they should page a pediatrician to be here for the birth, which scared me a lot that he might need extra attention right away. I was also pretty disturbed at the OB's demeanor. He barely looked me in the eye- he stared at the monitor the whole time. He looked very solemn and not especially encouraging. I was scared enough to know Solomon needed to get out asap. I still didn't really feel the urge to push, but I was grateful I could feel enough of my contractions to know when to push. I think it took about 3 or 4 contractions and then he was out! He cried for a minute or so, but stopped almost immediately after being given to me. I was so grateful that he looked strong and healthy from the get-go and didn't need to be taken from me to make sure he was okay.

I immediately started crying, overwhelmed with gratitude and love for this little guy. I won't get into all of the emotional aspects of the birth yet. I wanted to record this story now, while I could still remember most everything. I can write about everything else later. What the nurses said and did I stand to forget, but how I felt is something that could never fade from mind.

I'll never know why or how my contractions got so strong and fast without dilating properly, if I would have progressed the way I did from 3-8 without the relaxation that came from the epidural, or if there was something I could have done differently in the labor progression to have changed its outcome. In the end it really doesn't matter. I had really wanted to not have an epidural, and while I do feel a slight sting of disappointment and maybe even embarassment that I couldn't do it naturaly- it's honestly something I've thought of extremely little since 3:01 when Solomon came out. He was happy and alert and so was I. Neither of us nor our bond seemed at all interrupted by the epidural, and in the end I'm just so happy and relieved to have a healthy baby that the way in which it happened is of extremely little importance now.

Ok, I've spent too much time staring at a computer screen instead of Solomon's beautiful little face!

Not Much News

So, things have been kinda slow recently...

First of all, still no baby. Tomorrow I will be 39 weeks! I've made it through all of my big scheduled activities (by 'big' I mean things like having dinner with friends we haven't seen in a while, etc.), which include our maternity photos! Doing the photo shoot was fun, but exhausting. I was basically just standing there, changing clothes, then standing there some more... but when it was over I felt the need to take a 90 minute nap. The digital prints are supposed to be ready by Thursday, so I'm excited to see them!

So my low fluids were apparently just a fluke. They were nice and high on my checkup on Friday. But of course, then they saw his heart beat was having little quick little drops. Which the doc says is perfectly normal, but warrants continued twice/week visits... hurray!

I've been having a lot of different belly sensations the past few days. Ninja almost never 'kicks' anymore. I can feel him move and kinda twist, and he does prolonged pushes, but no quick kicks or punches. The thing is, sometimes these prolonged pushes are in a very concentrated area and are definitely caused by a foot, but other times they take up almost all of my belly. I'm starting to think these might be contractions, although Gerard disagrees. I don't really see where he gets off having an opinion in the matter, not having a uterus and all, but he does. I also, well, feel like he's getting really low. So we'll see what happens!

On Fluids and Beyonce's teeth

I've decided I might read about celebrity gossip and pop culture a bit too much. 1- because Gerard can read something and innocently ask me a question like 'Who is Connor Cruise?' Maybe I should be able to answer this, and maybe not, but it comes a bit too easily for me to say 'Tom Cruise's adopted son with Nicole Kidman before they got divorced; but he and Nicole don't really get along very well- I think he calls Katie Holmes 'mom' now.'

2- I got a new puzzle (more on this later) of Times Square- full of billboards, etc., as would be expected. I thought it would be rather difficult, as there is a lot going on. But actually it's ridiculously easy. I'm having to pace myself. I don't even have to give the pieces a second thought; I can see one letter on one puzzle piece and immediately know which advertisement it belongs to. Did you know I can also tell the difference between a portion of Beyonce's smile from that of Jessica Alba? I kinda wish I had to at least reference the picture to double-check, but I didn't.

So the Birthing From Within series (which is a book and also the kind of childbirth class Gerard and I took) recommends having some sort of labor project to keep you semi-occupied and distracted during the early stages of labor before you're ready to go to the hospital, etc. The examples in the book seem quite ambitious, like reorganizing kitchen cabinets, fixing fences, discovering new energy sources, etc. Not having an idea how hard or quickly labor will hit me, I've decided that something strenuous, and/or something that actually should be done were not good ideas for my labor project. Hence, my new puzzle. Sitting down to half-mindlessly thumb through puzzle pieces seems like a manageable task to distract me through early labor, and if it's not and it sits untouched on the dining table for the next 6 months, that's ok, too. So I've started the puzzle not because I'm in labor yet, but because I thought it'd be hard and time consuming and worth getting a jump start on. But now that I've revealed my unusual proficiency at identifying celebrities and advertisements, I feel the need to slow down in case it is another two weeks or more before this guy comes out.

But, on the other hand, I had my NST stuff today. And apparently over the past weeks my fluid level mysteriously went from great, to a little bit under what they like to see. So now I have to go back in on Friday instead of waiting a week. He alluded to the possibility of having to be induced on Friday if my fluids had dropped significantly by then, but otherwise we'd just keep up this every 3-4 day routine.

I'd really rather not be induced, but I am getting awfully excited to meet the little booger!

Other Random Musings

Can we talk about the fact that until last night my life and childhood were void of the awesomeness that is the game Stratego? Gerard grew up with it, and bought a version for us yesterday, and at the risk of being a huge old dork-- this game is so cool!! I'm really sad about all these years gone without this game in my life...

Can we also talk about the fact that when Gerard was explaining the game play to me, he made it perfectly evident that his three post-graduate degrees (from Columbia and Vanderbilt, mind you) never taught him how to appropriately say 'Colonel'??! Now, it is no secret Gerard has his only special way of saying some words (library, birthday, salmon...) but I think this is just taking it too far...

No baby yet

So I'll be pregnant for longer than my sister. Which is totally fine. I'm still relatively comfortable, compared to how much other preggos complain this late in the game. Though I really miss lying on my stomach. Only very rarely would I ever normally lie (lay? I still don't know) on my stomach, but now that the privilege has been taken away from me for so long, I really think it is something I'd really like to do.

The thing that is most frustrating about not knowing when ninja will come is trying to make plans more than 3 hours in advance. Not that my social life is exactly hopping- and my allowed activities are pretty much limited to sitting for dinner, sitting for a movie, etc- but even trying to have dinner with friends always comes with the asterisk.... sure I'll meet you for dinner on Wednesday, if I don't have a baby first... Which coincides with my fear of my water breaking in a very public place in a very gushing, dramatic fashion. I feel like everyone you hear about going into labor or having their water break is always in the privacy of their own beds in the middle of the night. But I'm quite sure I'll somehow have situated myself in front of a giant crowd of people, and there will be horrified looks and pointing and screaming. We'll see!

On that note, G and I have finally booked a maternity photography session. I've really wanted to do it, but we're trying to conserve money, so we picked someone who is decent, but not amazing (read: expensive), who has a pretty cheap sitting fee, and looks like she basically makes her money with marked up prints. So we'll pay a nominal fee now, and maybe just wait on the prints til later. Or I'm also thinking of just getting one big one. I have a vision in my head of putting three blown up frames all next to each other- one maternity photo, one newborn ninja photo, and one from our wedding- all black and white. So the first goal is to ensure at least one decent framable preggo picture is taken before ninja finagles his way outta my belly.

Here's the belly

37 weeks... almost a week late. Sorry.

You'd think I was a bird

So, in case anyone thought I might not be nesting, I'm here to protest.

I rearranged the nursery yesterday. It looks much cuter now. I'd post new pics, but included in the design are boo boo's initials, which are still top secret. So you'll have to wait. It all started innocently enough, wondering where I'd fit my newest Craigslist purchase of the Diaper Champ. This made me realize all the diapering stuff, including the changing table, really belonged in the bathroom. We're cloth diapering, so it just makes sense that we take off dirty diapers, rinse them, and store in the diaper champ to be washed all in one room. And that room is the bathroom.

That being said, this week I've also done all the mini last minute purchases of things we'll want on hand before the baby comes. Although we're doing cloth, we did want disposables on hand for the beginning, longer outings, etc. So purchases such as this were made.

Today I also embarked on one of the most organized and thought-out grocery trips of my life. Not only was I well equipped with coupons, but I shopped with the specific intent of buying lots of freezable or nonperishable items that will be easy to prepare and eat after the baby. Of course I didn't want this to mean a lot of microwave dinners, so I had to plan. We got a lot of canned and frozen fruits and veggies, quick just add sauce type meals, like tortellini, ravioli and periogis that can be frozen, stocked up on meats that we'll freeze, etc. It was fun. The sheer mass of food I bought then required me to thouroughly clean out our fridge, freezer and pantries of old or neglected foods. Additionally, I did my best 'Georgian preparing for a snowstorm' and bought semi-ridiculous quantities of toilet paper and paper towels. But I think mostly I was just relieved to be nearing the end of the cheap, dusty particle-producing everytime your rip it- toilet paper stash that Gerard last brought home.

Finally, I washed and line dried all of our new baby clothes, blankets, diapers, etc.

And now I'm going to take a nap.

Hello, full-term!

So, big things are happening! It's August, for one. Which means when people ask me when I'm due, I can breezily say 'the 24th' instead of having to identify the month as well. Which is just so cumbersome. Today also marks the day which I am officially considered full-term, at 37 weeks. Boo-yah! And I'm 6 days away from the point in time my sister went into labor. Although she didn't have any of this nonsense, I'm still under the probably naive assumption that my labor will go exactly as hers did, which means Sunday will be a big day.

I've made it through 2 of my 4 late pregnancy out of town visitors, and thankfully the only 2 staying with me. Don't get me wrong, I loved having them and catching up, but playing hostess to them back to back this late in the game left me exhausted. So I'm thankful to have a little down time now to try to rest back up. It hasn't worked so far, as I've spent the last two days feeling nauseated and with a little burning in my chest. I really hope both clear up before ninja baby starts getting any bright ideas about making his grand appearance, because right now I feel too drained to be up for the physical or mental tasks of labor.

In nonbaby news, one of those 2 visitors, Joe, brought his dog, who found an abandoned bone discarded under the couch. It's been around for probably 2 years, and Kota has never given it the time of day- she has eyes only for her ring bone. I've started calling the ring bone her paci, as that's exactly how she uses it when she's either under or over stimulated. Anyway, since Harvey the dog found this bone and got his smell all over it, Kota has a new found love for it, and it has taken over her daily agenda at the expense of poor ring bone.

Lastly, and back to baby stuff- I think I packed way too much in my hospital bag (surprise surprise). It doesn't actually fit into my bag anymore- it's sorta overflowing. But better be safe than sorry right?!